puddles

early this morning before i was awake, connor came in to tell me that puddles, our betta fish, looked dead. i mumbled, "well he's been looking sick for a couple weeks so i'm not surprised..." i forgot about puddles and didn't even notice he wasn't moving at the bottom of his little tank until about lunch time. i called presley over to break the news. she seemed concerned, but ok. she wanted to see him so i brought the tank down to her level. it wasn't pretty. he was obviously dead. i lightheartedly said, "well, let's go flush him down the toilet so he can be with his fish friends..." she followed me to the bathroom but the closer we got to it, her questions and voice became more and more anxious. finally at the door she said, "mom...i think i'm going to cry..." i stopped and bent down to hug her, thinking well maybe that's what she thinks she's supposed to do - be sad.

but then i witnessed something i'd only ever read about. real anguish over a pet death. none of the other kids have reacted this way when our other fish have left us. it was really different for presley. when i bent down to hug her, she started sobbing on my shoulder. really sobbing with all her heart. there was so much sorrow that i cried with her, more than anything, for her. through my own tears (and lack of experience in this area) i decided i'd better make it a teaching moment. i talked to her about death and the resurrection at a 3 year old level, explaining that puddles went to live with heavenly father and that he no longer needed his body. that we will all die one day and leave our bodies here on earth but that our spirits will live on and be with heavenly father. i think she understood. when she was able to compose herself a little bit, i poured puddles into the toilet and told her when she was ready she could say good-bye to puddles and flush. she waited a few seconds and said, "bye puddles, i love you. i will miss you..." and she flushed. i'm pretty sure at hearing that, i was crying harder than she was. i don't know if it was to make her or myself feel better but i finally said, "sweetheart, maybe we can go to the pet store and get another fish." that must have helped because then between sobs she said, "yes mama, this time i need a red one... and i need two fishes..." i laughed. so opportunistic, this one...

she was sad for a little while, but she did go on to play. she hasn't dwelled on that moment since or exhibited any more sadness. but i've been thinking about it ever since because of how touched i was at her big, soft, and sincere heart and the faith she showed in her own 3 year old way. oh my goodness, do i love her.