puddles

early this morning before i was awake, connor came in to tell me that puddles, our betta fish, looked dead. i mumbled, "well he's been looking sick for a couple weeks so i'm not surprised..." i forgot about puddles and didn't even notice he wasn't moving at the bottom of his little tank until about lunch time. i called presley over to break the news. she seemed concerned, but ok. she wanted to see him so i brought the tank down to her level. it wasn't pretty. he was obviously dead. i lightheartedly said, "well, let's go flush him down the toilet so he can be with his fish friends..." she followed me to the bathroom but the closer we got to it, her questions and voice became more and more anxious. finally at the door she said, "mom...i think i'm going to cry..." i stopped and bent down to hug her, thinking well maybe that's what she thinks she's supposed to do - be sad.

but then i witnessed something i'd only ever read about. real anguish over a pet death. none of the other kids have reacted this way when our other fish have left us. it was really different for presley. when i bent down to hug her, she started sobbing on my shoulder. really sobbing with all her heart. there was so much sorrow that i cried with her, more than anything, for her. through my own tears (and lack of experience in this area) i decided i'd better make it a teaching moment. i talked to her about death and the resurrection at a 3 year old level, explaining that puddles went to live with heavenly father and that he no longer needed his body. that we will all die one day and leave our bodies here on earth but that our spirits will live on and be with heavenly father. i think she understood. when she was able to compose herself a little bit, i poured puddles into the toilet and told her when she was ready she could say good-bye to puddles and flush. she waited a few seconds and said, "bye puddles, i love you. i will miss you..." and she flushed. i'm pretty sure at hearing that, i was crying harder than she was. i don't know if it was to make her or myself feel better but i finally said, "sweetheart, maybe we can go to the pet store and get another fish." that must have helped because then between sobs she said, "yes mama, this time i need a red one... and i need two fishes..." i laughed. so opportunistic, this one...

she was sad for a little while, but she did go on to play. she hasn't dwelled on that moment since or exhibited any more sadness. but i've been thinking about it ever since because of how touched i was at her big, soft, and sincere heart and the faith she showed in her own 3 year old way. oh my goodness, do i love her.

happy...with just a tinge of sad

happy birthday my sweet ainsley...a week ago, that's how busy we've been around here. you're one, i can hardly believe it. one! this time last year i was driving up to the nicu around the clock to see my little preemie princess. and pumping like a mad woman. watching you sleep and praying you would breathe and eat on your own so you could come home with me. it's hard to imagine it's been a whole year. you've done so much more!

now you're busy crawling and climbing the stairs, squealing when you see me coming for you. you're busy eating cheerios and cheese and grapes. with your four tiny teeth. you could very well be a monkey with the amount of bananas you can down in a sitting. your first words: ah-oh... and dawg. you're puckering for kisses and playing peek-a-boo. you are sweetness bundled up in 19 lbs. i feel such pure joy when you smile at me. but there's just a little tinge of sadness (ok, a lot) that i just threw the last one year old cake-in-the-face party i will ever throw. why you gotta grow up?

i love you so sweetheart.

mama

gasp

me: (walking past the play room) *gasp!* who cut their hair?!

riley: not me

connor: not me

presley: not me

me: WHO cut their hair?!

(silence)

presley: ...sorry mom...

close to the end

this week i've got four kids, a puppy not yet housebroken, a new job, a husband traveling, and extended family arriving in a few days for christmas. i can officially say i close to the end of my rope.

let's start with puppy. since i am down a husband, i'm running around with my head cut off with kids in tow. this means i had to leave polo at home for quite some time today. i made the call to leave him outside since it's mid'60's again (LOVE texas!) rather than crate him for hours on end, which i couldn't bear to do. i figured that way he could explore and do his duty outside too. this would've been a good plan except i forgot that this puppy thinks i'm his mommy. so when i left, he tried to dig under the fence. he was a complete mud-caked mess by the time we got home, which means i had to give him a bath. don't mind he just got one last night. then he was so hyper about us all being home, that he forgot his manners and was nipping, nipping, NIPPING everyone and chewing EVERYTHING. and worst of all, he did his duty in my DINING room. THREE times today alone. which is pretty unforgivable. i had to crate him just to give myself a break from all the yelling.

so i should say before i go on that he really is adorable (lucky for him) and on top of that he's a pretty quick study. in the two weeks we've had him he has demonstrated how to be both naughty and nice. sometimes at the same time. he's a smart one. and there's a high correlation between tummy and brain in the dog world, just like in the man-world. anyway, he's earned his share of doggy treats.

now, let's talk about my sweet little 3 year old presley. who felt so badly for the whining pup that she tried to "help him". i walked in to let him out of his crate (after i had settled down) and saw this:

so i thought...what in the sam hell, where did two full bags of treats go? no child claimed to know. i finally let him out and realized what had happened. yes, that is two full bags of treats, some dog food, and a sock for good measure.

why, yes, actually i would like to spend the next half hour on my hands and knees cleaning out a crate, thank you! i won't say there wasn't more yelling. that would be lying.

and of course here's a semi-mud caked and cheery polo the puppy...

our new bebe

our little boy is here! he is the sweeeetest, gentlest thing imaginable. here are some first photos. i'm not sure who i should eat up first in the second pic - presley or the puppy. i swear i am not a dog person but i think ross caught on film the moment i fell in love. (it's early though, he's only been here a few hours...)

he's an 8 week old austrailian labradoodle, and we're still looking for a great name for him by the way. send in your suggestions!

also, for those of you who thought i was having #5, all i have to say is, ARE YOU NUTS? but thanks for being kind and offering your condolences - or rather, congratulations!

we're expecting...a boy!

i am so busy my head could very possibly spin off and the house is going to be even louder (is that possible??)...but he will be loved, that is for certain.

sneak peek

i discovered someone so talented. i love sara boulter, photographer. she lives in utah but visits her sisters here in austin. i hope she comes to visit often! you can see a preview of pics she took this afternoon here. i can't wait to see the whole shebang.

the obligatory post

so here are the obligatory halloween pics no one but family will be really interested in...

riley was a cowgirl (with friend annabeth), connor was darth vader (here fighting longhorn quarterback brady), presley was at one time snow white but ended up as ariel, and ainsley was a ladybug of some sort.

grandpa and grandma jan have flown the coop waiting until their senior citizen years to dress up for the first time in their lives, and ross and i were boring tired parents. i believe all pics are post-begging for candy.

oh and i must say that texas is very disappointing on the pumpkin patch front. last year we searched high and low for pumpkin patches and only found a fairly pathetic one. we didn't even bother this year. i miss the northwest and all the beautiful farms full of huge gorgeous pumpkins!

see mom? i sharing!

"...i sharing my [teeny tiny itsy bitsy super-chokable] bolly bockets with aindree!"

never in *the* drawer

my friend laura turned me on to the pioneer woman blog and in particular this recipe for crash hot potatoes. you'll never make potatoes another way once you've tried these, they are that delicious. the true test for me is that in the half dozen times i have made them so far, i have never found them in the table drawer. we definitely love these at our house!